For me, reading too much is like feeding a demon. (No pictures)

The Kite Runner:

This is an overly simplistic story, dressed up with tragedy and religious differences.  The narrator is weak, and it turns out that I didn't ever care about him.  He wasn't weak in a relateable way.And in the penultimate moment, I was hoping for a different outcome.  When a writer covers a weak story line with tragedy, it obviously pulls at the heartstrings but doesn't ultimately make the reader want to talk to anyone related to the story.  It's even worse when cultural tropes are played for points.  Of course everybody in the western hemisphere hates the Taliban.  Give me something with real hurt.  That's what I want.

Vernon God Little:
Just as I would never attempt to set a novel in England (even though I have lived there for 4 months...just not contiguously), don't set a novel in Texas if you aren't from the US.  "Fucken" is not how to spell "Fuckin'."  I don't know what this author meant by "meatworks," but I'm assuming he meant feedyard or slaughterhouse.  And he tried to use Columbine as a way to give gravity and hurt to his protagonist.  He also over-wrote the "made for tv"/"reality tv" comparisons, and eventually wound up making me want to take up a gun myself.  Lauded as a "grand comic novel," I actually found very little to be funny within it.  It made me cringe; I cringe at dead baby jokes.  If there is something funny in such distastefully rendered moments, then I have lost my sense of what is funny.  Brits:  don't write as if you are from the US.  US:  Don't write as if you are from England.

A Thing (or two) About Curtis and Camilla:
This could not be worse.  Don't waste your time.  Hailed as "a new voice" and "funny has a new hero, and that hero is Curtis," I wanted to kill myself after reading it.  If you can think of a cliche, insert it into any of this books 200 pages and it won't be out of place.  Even if you put it right next to the pagination.  I loved the idea of meeting a wonderful girl via her dog, but after 12 pages I wanted to stab Curtis, his precocious neighbor child...and even the dog.  I rarely want to stab dogs.  Thanks, jerk.

Tree of Smoke:
Now I know how other people feel about Cormac McCarthy.  After 100 pages I was still lost.  After 200, I figured out that somebody, somewhere, had died.  After 250, I pieced together that Vietnam is still a torn space.  I still have no idea what the plot was of the book.  I don't know who the protagonist is.  It reminded me of reading "The Ambassadors" by James while I was in college.  I burnt that book, and I'm pretty close to burning this one.  Being purposefully obtuse doesn't equate with meaning.

Left Hand of God:
I've dreamt better fantasies than this garbage.  I'm assuming it was meant for the slower portion of the "Twilight"/"Harry Potter" crowd.  It sounded so good, and had such a brilliant lead in.  It turned out to be like buying a dalmatian.  Disaster from the third page. 

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo/The Girl Who Played with Fire/The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest:
Relatively new to the realm of mysteries, I was somewhat pleasantly surprised by this series.  I guess it was because I had no hope of good writing, just good devices.  I've always loved me some John Grisham because he has good plots, and I've understood that his characters and writing will always be lacking.  Same here.  Even the heralded Lizbeth, The Girl, is nothing but a reverse stereotype.  Obviously, ol' Steig wanted to show that he was pro-feminist, pro-equal opportunity, pro-whatever; Steig failed.  His characters become shadows of want and desire, flawed in all the wrong ways, and ever unbelievable.  However, this 3 book series was really enjoyable, because I could shut my brain off and just read words for 13 hours without moving.

Metal Storm:
Really?  I couldn't even get past the 10th page without feeling as if I was masturbating in an orphanage.  Yep.  Disgusted and embarrassed.  This author should have his fingers chopped off and those same fingers fed to purposefully illiterate octogenarians.     His writing ability seems to be on par with the flavor of yesterday's tapioca.  And I hope they all stop doing damage.

Falling Sideways:
If you've ever read any Tom Robbins, you will understand this:  Madcap yet thoughtful Lunacy.  This book is similar.  I know I would enjoy it more if I were a British subject.  I found it entertaining, ridiculous, and endearing.  The only thing that is truly missing is the "thoughtful" part, because "weird" has replaced the adjective in the description.  I like the idea of frogs controlling things, and I like the idea of being able to clone things...but...there was a missing note.  The same note that Bigfoot enthusiasts miss:  the theory itself doesn't make sense in its entirety. Tom Robbins' ideas always make sense when taken on their own.  This book employed laughs and gags in lieu of thought.  I liked it, but I won't read another book by the same author.  That being said, I always hesitate to read a Tom Robbins novel.  Sometimes the crazy is just too far out there for me.

The ingredient labels for: Renuzit/ketchup/garlic paste/imported 409/paint:
I'd rather read these than what I just found tonight.  2 unopened letters that I brought with me, unknowingly (kind of knowingly).  Who wants to read recriminations, exaggerations, or invitations?  Nobody.  Give me more books:  The Comedians, Norwegian Wood, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Moby Dick, Why Not Catch 22, The Spy's Bedside Book, How to Speak Arabic, Guide to Dubai, the Yellow pages...

because my demon can be distracted with pages.